Puerca Blanca

Beloved Puerca is listening.


September 9

Jason: When was the last time you uttered your god's name?
Andy: When was the last major holiday?

August 26

Tobes:  Yogurt is just gross pudding.

June 10

Jason: Will you stop using the correct pronouns! For once!

June 3

Jason: Oh, are you learning to stand up to talking swords? It's about time!

Katie: I tried to think outside the box and out-Tobes'd myself.

April 8

Will: You can use remove curse for contraception.
Katie: Because babies are a curse!

March 4

Jason: So Tobes, who's your girlfriend?
Tobes: No, we are not doing this.  You are in the middle of dying.


October 1

(Rolling for Knox's magic items in a Disjunction field)
Tobes: Ring of Sustenance?
Katie: Destroyed!
Will: He's going to be SO hungry

Andy: Aaahh, this is what pain feels like!

Katie: I get that that's something he can do, but that's horseshit! But I understand.

Katie: (asking about Badadroit Lucas) What's your Fort like, Lucas?
Jason: Uh, not good?
Katie: Ok. Alera's going to reach out and-
Will: Turn on us?

Will: Dang, Knox, how'd you get so scary?
Andy: I learned from watching you, Callon! I learned from watching you!

Tobes: Alera would pop back and all the Maladroits are dead-
Katie: She'd be like, "Hey Jonid, need a new lackey?"
Tobes: What? Fallen!

September 24

Will: Just ignore anything I say unless it begins with 'Stakes'

Will: You d12-ing motherfucker.

September 10

Jason: Have you considered our lord and savior, time stop?
Andy: Ain't nobody got time for time stop.
Will: That's why you use time stop!

August 27

Katie: I was the bad guy all along!

February 5

Katie: I summoned bears, and while it didn't make any difference at all, it was still an impressive display of magic.


August 14

Will: "Do you remember how you forgot?" That is the dumbest question I have ever asked.

July 31

Katie: I think if my gynecologist is checking my prostate, I need a new gynecologist.

June 26

Will: We found Gnomelantis!


March 16

Paul: A poem written by a monster? An ode-tyugh?

Angela: It's a rebus puzzle with pictures of sex positions as letters 

February 23

Paul: Katie's new deity is all about redemption. Katie... less so.

February 9

Will: Okay, guys, you're all gonna die, but it's not my fault.

January 26

Katie (mournfully): Tobes is the dice whisperer!

January 12

Jason: Do you want another chocolate cock?
Paul: mmm...delicious


December 8

Katie: So lava is molten stone, right? And I have meld into stone, right?
Paul: You can meld into lava without the spell.

November 17

Although, to be fair, women can be monsters.
-- Katie

October 27

Her name was Dukakis! And I will cut off your dick!
-- Will

Guys! I saw Keaton! He said to have brunch every day!
-- Andy

In our cosmology, chromatic is evil. In this cosmology... Dram is evil.
-- Will

October 13

Andy: He's undead?
Jason: He has undead eyes.
Andy: But just eyes, though.

October 6

Katie: I am not burning blessing of the mole!
Will: Famous last words.

Mitch: But prayer gives you +1!
Will: Yeah, plus one mummy.

September 22

Jason(running from undead) There's a party over there.
Will: Good thing I brought my dancin' boots.

September 8

Will: I rolled a 13.
Paul: I'm sure that'll hit; it's +everything.

July 21

It might be a young one; it may not know malice yet.
-- Will

July 7

Well done, Andy! Excellent use of turning something to dust! I approve!
-- Will

The elephant is the biggest threat, but the biggest threat is the casters.
-- Katie

June 23

He's got that crazy pink magic rock. That can't be cheap.
-- Andy

Ohh! Go to the Copper Dragon, not to the copper dragon.
-- Jason

June 9

The good news is we know were Jessa is: in a cage under Oragor's feet. The bad news: see previous.
-- Will

May 26

Who just overclocked the rogue?!
-- Katie

April 29

Where there's smoke, there's Keaton.
-- Paul

April 15

Why am I the wise one here? I mean, I have the highest wisdom, but...

My mom tried talking to 50 Shades of Gray about me.

April 8

The problem is, Katie's also not fictional.
-- Paul

April 7

Jason: She killed me!
Will: Oh, you died? I've never done that.

April 1

What have we told you about necessity and raves?!
-- Will

March 18

Jason: !
Will: Sometimes I hate it when I inspire Jason.

Tell me how this sounds, because it sounds good to me: ramming.
-- Will

February 18

With the force and passion of a thousand angry Latin men!
-- Jason

Paul: Robots hate women, Katie.
Andy: Oh. I have a video for that.

February 11

The walls confuse me. We're not on a boat.
-- Andy

January 27

This is going to be a spiraling asymptote of douchery.
-- Paul

I love how most of the things in the pig are things I say! It's like you made the pig for me!
-- Katie

Will: Lucas is not the fount of truth!
Jason: My Bluff check says he is.

January 21

Katie: He enforces the law with his junk.
Andy: If by "junk" you mean "beard," then yes.

According to that logic... Katie is wrong.
-- Jason

Racism is simple! It's something I can understand. I'm dumb.
-- Katie

January 14

Puerca Blanca is also a weapon.  Didn't you know that?
-- Katie

This creature has no description!
-- Will and Andy

January 12

She brought Cards Against Draconity, but there are no cards because what can stand against dragons?
-- Will

Paul: So prestidigitation is the spell of dry cleaning?
Jason: And it's a racial spell for gnomes.
Katie: Because they're always dirty!
Everyone but Katie: DANG THAT'S RACIST.

January 2

Alera is dumb and paranoid and refuses to do it!
-- Katie


December 30

That sounds like a doll, "The Binge and Purge Katie."
-- Jason

The Darkness is part of the darkness!
-- Will

They should have sent the stupid wizard, he was smarter!
-- Katie

December 17

Katie, you're just never right about anything.
-- Jason

The hat only gives me a +10 to Disguise... or I could just be a woman...
-- Jason

December 3

My smoked goggles will protect me from the gays!
-- Will

The things I like, Katie ruins.
-- Paul

November 12

Jason: That won't work, they're casters.
Will:   But they're mind casters.

Will: Do they know about the Darkness Immortal?
Paul: Yeah.
Jason: Well, that saves time.

October 29

Who needs a mirror for your cheap Mexican pixie stick crack when you have a D&D book?
-- Jason

October 22

They went into the Undersand before it was cool.
-- Andy

October 15

We have this Tiny Hut so we can have a safe place to sleep, not so you can have tiny animal raves.
-- Andy

My decanter goes up to eleven.
-- Andy

October 8

Yes, I want it! What does it do?
- Katie


April 12

The gazebo is the biggest threat.
-- Paul

March 29

Great, you've created a chess orgy.
-- Jason