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Marvelous Tales

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Marvelous Broadsheet Tales
The Hopeless Maladroits!
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Deadly Trial in the Land of the Undead!

posted Jun 9, 2013, 9:03 AM by Paul H

Ever on the search for adventure, the Hopeless Maladroits found themselves journeying far to the north. They came to a foul land shrouded in darkness and were soon set upon by undead! Surrounded and outnumbered, the warriors were sorely pressed but not defeated!

Suddenly, the ground erupted with black tentacles and caught the heroes! Clever Knox was unable to dispel them, nor nimble Lucas able to evade them. Even beautiful Alera was helpless as the tentacles wrapped themselves around her every curve. It was then that the spellcaster and the master of the dead army revealed herself. 

It was none other than Morgella Drisellex Vashaduul, the Dread Akari Witch! Their nemesis and the very foe they had been looking for! Like all Akari, she was a dark beauty with a heart as black as night. Her long hair fell over obsidian robes that left that little to the imagination.

“Hopeless Maladroits, indeed! ” Morgella cackled. She petted a nearby zombie, “Have my lovelies here proven too much for you heroes? Well, don’t worry. You’ll soon be joining them!”

The villainous Akari snapped her fingers. A huge form began to make its way through the legion of undead. Soon, the animated corpse of an ogre emerged, wielding a maul larger than a man. It raised the maul high and the group, still bound, watched in horror as it descended on them. Was this the end of our heroes?!

The maul stopped before it could smash the party. Slowly it began to rise. The ogre pressed down harder, but to no avail. Callon, the intrepid leader of the Maladroits, had broken free! He had stopped the maul with his mighty sword Desangriev! With a savage yell, Callon threw back the maul. The ogre stumbled backwards in dumb shock.

“Your evil will never prevail, witch!” Callon shouted. The ogre swung again at Callon, but he parried and slice off its head in one quick movement. 

"Ha! Some threat! Your companions are still trapped!” Morgella laughed.

Just then, the black tentacles dissolved. Lucas rose, smirking and twirling his wand of dispelling magic. "Oh, don't mind me,” he said to a fuming Morgella, "Just being awesome."

"No matter!" the Akari yelled. She turned to her undead, "Rend the flesh from their bones!"

A flash of positive energy tore into the undead and they collapsed into a burning heap. The voluptuous Alera tossed her hair back and announced to the Akari, "Heironeous prevails."

The witch threw out her hand and cried, "Enough! I will burn you all myself!" She began to cast a spell, but the magic died on her hand as she looked out to see a bored Knox counterspelling her.

"Really, now," he drawled, "this is beneath me." He then idly cast a disintegrating bolt at Morgella. She barely managed to dodge it, but found herself now in the path of Callon's charge.

"For Riparia, and for my lady!" Callon yelled. Desangriev impaled her through the gut. Morgella cried out in pain and blasted Callon away with a magic bolt.

"You win... this round... Maladroits," she coughed before teleporting away. Callon tossed his sword into the air. It tumbled and fell smoothly into its sheath.

"Another day," Callon said, smiling to his friends, "Another victory."

"I Can't Get It Open!"

posted Jun 6, 2013, 4:33 PM by Paul H   [ updated Jun 6, 2013, 4:33 PM ]

"What do you mean it's stuck?!" Alera yelled.

Standing and spinning to face his cleric companion, Lucas shouted, "I mean it is stuck as in I CAN"T GET IT OPEN!"

Glancing around at the walls as they moved steadily closer, Alera grabbed Lucas by the shoulders. She began violently shaking him as she screamed "WELL FIX IT!"

Easing between them, Callon pushed the two apart and turning to Alera. "Addling his brain isn't going to help us Alera.  I think we need a quick application of force." With a quick, smooth movement Callon turned and punched the seemingly blank wall as hard as he could. With a solid THWACK... nothing happened. "Uh.." "It's two feet lower Callon" said Lucas. "Oh." Setting himself for another strike, Callon kicked for all he was worth. THWACK! CLICK! A hidden panel dropped away revealing whirling gears and turning springs.

With a shout Lucas dropped to his knees and started messing with the internal workings of the trap with a speed bourne of desperation. "Wonder what this does?" mused Lucas. THUNK! "Thunk? Not the sound I was looking for. What happened guys?"

"Spikes happened." replied Knox "Lots of spike." With a yip Keaton began bounding along the spikes. He rose higher and higher before reaching the ceiling. Looking down at the humans, Keaton tilted his head as if  to say "This is fun! Ya'll should give it a try!”

With a grunt Lucas rocked back on his heels holding a rather large gear in his hands. With a slight shudder the walls stopped moving and the spikes retracted. As they slid back into their original positions a door open a few feet to Lucas' right. "See guys no problem at all." Wih a quick kip up to his feet Lucas handed Callon the gear, smacked Alera on the ass and sauntered out the door. With an indignent squeak Alera stormed after him while Knox and Callon brought up the rear, a silent eye roll shared between them.

As the fighter and wizard caught up to the others, Keaton the fox traveled next to his master with the occasional rub or nip to  Knox's ankles. Absently Knox reached down and petted his familiar's head. As the partgot their bearings a faint sound echoed from down the hallway. Looking forward the group observed a pack of large furry creatures advancing. The light shining from Alera's shield caught the gleam of weapons in the creature's grasp. 

With a sigh Callon unsheathed Diesangriev. "Alright everyone, on your toes. CHARGE!" With a mighty yell Callon charged forward. With a quick prayer to Heironeous Alera tightened her grip on her sword and shield. A quick laugh saw Lucas sprint ahead with Callon drawing his dragonsword along the way. As the others rushed ahead, Know slowly shook himself out and started speaking the ancient words of magic. Keaton sat to the side and watched all of this, a slight smile on his lips and a gleam in his eye.

As battle was met and evil creatures dispatched a mysterious figure watched our heroes in it's crystal ball. 

“They must not make it to my sanctum” said the figure. “If they do all will be ruined!” Turning to the golem standing at it's side the figure yelled out “See that they don't make it here ALIVE!”

A Terrible Lizard!

posted Jun 6, 2013, 4:30 PM by Paul H   [ updated Jun 6, 2013, 4:32 PM ]

Thunder cracks out, and for a moment the screams of the farmers were drowned out.  They were trapped under the overturned wagon while the monster was continuing trying to get at them. The Maladroits took cover behind a boulder as they approached.

“They don't have much time.  Does anyone know what we're dealing with?” Callon quickly spoke in a hushed but commanding tone.

The party all turned their heads to Knox.

“Really?  Am I the only one that ever reads?  Seriously, people, I can't be expected to know everything.” 

“You know I don't like books.” said Alera.  “They’re always to long and boring.  Besides, I'm more of a people person.”

“Yes, we all know about you're a very charming individual” replied Lucas.

Knox let out a sigh and continued. “It’s a Tyrannosaurus Rex, an extremely powerful, ferocious, and deadly dinosaur.”

“So, we're dealing with some sort of terrible lizard here.” Lucas said with a grin.

“Moving on...if I remember correctly, which of course I always do, their vision is based on movement... which gives me an idea...You three, stay here and don't do anything.”

More calm than he really was, Knox stepped out from behind the cover.  Waving his hand, an orb of light appeared, as he shouts to get the beast's attention.  He commands the orb back and forth, and the monster's head follows, hypnotized by the light.  Standing perfectly still, Knox throws the orb away as far as he could, and the T-Rex charged after.  At the same moment, a shout rang out, “FOR MY LADY”, as Callon runs from cover with a torch lit in his hand.  “COME AND FACE A TRUE FOE FOUL FIEND, SO THAT I MAY SMITE THEE!”

“CALLON! FREEZE!” Knox shouted, but the warning fell on deaf ears.  Even after throwing his torch away, the dinosaurs continued its charge on him.  From the corner of his eye, Knox sees a figure swinging from a vine.  Lucas had climbed up to get to higher ground, but now needed to catch up to the battle. 

With nothing in front of him to catch at the apex of his swing, Lucas lets go, and quickly pulls out one of his trusty immovable robs.  Nimbly pulling them out and setting them, he uses his momentum to swing hand-over-hand and quickly catch up to the monster.

With a tremendous roar, the T-Rex lunges at Callon.  Callon deftly rolls out of the way, his years of army training instinctively kicking in.  In his position directly above the T-Rex, Lucas lets go of his last rod.  As he falls through the air, he pulls out his daggers, and immediately upon landing on the beast stabs it in each eye.  As the terror rears back in pain and confusion, Callon sees his chance.  He draws his trusty sword as he swings at the monster, striking true on all his attacks.  The last raindrop of the storm falls along with the beast, and rays of sun shine down on Callon and Lucas as they stand over their fallen adversary.

“Great plan, Knox.  Distracting this thing from the farmers while Alera helps them, and Lucas and myself take it down.  And that tip about going for the eyes, really inspired.”

Indeed, during this fight, Alera made her way to the farmers and was helping them out.  Their fears of the entire affair melting away as they were comforted by her generous embrace and magical touch.

“Well, know you know I only make perfect plans,” said Knox, “but really, it's the people that truly make it all come together.  Good work everyone.”

“Alright people, let's get our trophy prepped.”  Callon stated.  “Looks like we're going to have another BBQ.”

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